I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize