Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
