We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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