dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
