nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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