im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
