Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
