I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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