whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
