i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
