I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
