so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
