pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
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