I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
