ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
