Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
