I think I won the penis lottery.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
