just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
