Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
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She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
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that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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