omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
