There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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