I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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