i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
