Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize