look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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