I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize