You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
