I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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