His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
