I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
