There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
