Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
