Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
