Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
