the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
