worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
