After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
