I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
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My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
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By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
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