I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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