This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
