She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
