would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
