Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
