I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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