I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
