I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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