he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
