I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize