i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
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dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
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He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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