I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
