he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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