I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
