my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Randomize
