Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
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I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
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It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.