I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.