My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.