I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"