Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
