I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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