I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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