i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
