i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
