how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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