my phone needs a breathalizer
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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