Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
