Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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