as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
