is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
