Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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