I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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