Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
