Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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