What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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