At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
