dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
