The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
