I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
