ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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