We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
