and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
