I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
