You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
