Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
