thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
